I’m troubled by R U OK? Day. Something has been niggling at the edge of my thoughts and I am concerned that R U OK? Day might not be entirely OK for some. Well not the day so much as the question…
I have sat with my consternation for awhile trying to embrace the idea, and not quite able to. I like the suggestion that we are reminded to check in with someone who might be depressed on at least one day of the year. R U OK? describe themselves as “…an independent, not-for-profit organisation whose purpose is to provide national focus and leadership on suicide prevention by empowering Australians to have open and honest conversations and stay connected with people in their lives.”
Even knowing the good intent behind the push something still doesn’t sit well with me and I am unsure of how to explore my feelings. I’m in a quandary about where to start, so start with me and ask myself: R U OK?
Am I OK? Do I know what it is to be OK, well enough to answer the question? I struggle to form an answer to the ubiquitous pleasantry “How are you?” and now “R U OK?” is a question I see as more complex. It’s a question that feels inherently difficult to answer. I’m unsure how to assess if I am OK in relation to you, the person asking. Do I know you well enough to tell you how I really am? How much trust is shared between us?
I am going in circles, that’s how my mind goes…
“R U OK?” has a lot of assumptions about what is OK and what is not built in on both sides – the one who is asking and the one who is being asked. Am I? Are you?
More questions surround the central question; What is sought or hoped for in the reply? Why is the asker posing the question? What are the possible responses? What does the inquiry imply about the one being asked? How much support is wanted, needed, or available? What is it safe to reveal in response? What will the inquiry-maker do with the response? How far can we take the conversation?
What is best for us? We being the one asking and the one who is asked. I imagine the question R U OK? sitting in space between us, along with care and caring, all tangled up and awkward, and surrounded by many more implied and unanswered questions.
R U OK? is not a simple question, and it is not meant to be but I am still not quite OK with it all…