My mum passed away this month.
It’s now that odd post-funeral time when all is very quiet compared to the time that led to this. My grieving, which is complicated and untidy at the best of times, is a little quieter too.
This is the time when I have to remind myself, remember that my mother has died. I am not in denial, this is acceptance, the permanence of her absence is becoming real. I think of things I could tell her, things I could show her, or things we could share, and I remind myself that I have to remember. Again, I remember again. My relationship with her continues, it’s not static and even without her presence, it will deepen.
I am desolate by her leaving, that might soften but I’m a lorn and lonesome daughter without a mother. She leaves much behind too, my siblings and I all have some of her habits and ways – just by being who we are we will remind the world that she was here.
I miss my mum.