A book about one man’s experience with depression that is honest, courageous and informing is Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness by William Styron
The preface:
For the thing which
I greatly feared is come upon me
and that which I was afraid of
is come unto me
I was not in safety, neither
had I rest, neither was I quiet:
yet trouble came.
– Job
“What I had begun to discover is that, mysteriously and in ways that are totally removed from normal experience, the gray drizzle of horror induced by depression takes on the quality of physical pain, like that of a broken limb. It maybe more accurate to say that despair, owing to some evil trick played upon the sick brain by the inhabiting psyche, comes to resemble the diabolical discomfort of being imprisoned in a fiercely overheated room. And because no breeze stirs this cauldron, because there is no escape from this smothering confinement, it is entirely natural that the victim begins to think ceaselessly of oblivion.” (Styron, 1990, p. 50 )
I have to thank my friend Charlotte, and her extensive collection of psychology related texts, for recommending Styron to me. I found it an extraordinary text. I am indebted to Charlotte, without this book I would have little appreciation for the mood disorder to which I lost Mottsu.